The Quest for Turtle

So, it's been no secret that life in these parts has been less than - friendly. The fit throwing and tantrums have had me closer to the looney bin than I've ever been in my life. And yet, somehow in all the chaos, once again Albert finds a solution.

Preston has a responsibility chart. He's got about 7 things that he has to do in a day, and he gets a smiley for each day that he does it. The original bribe reward was money. He loves money to buy junk. I love good behavior. It's a working relationship. Anyway, apparently he doesn't love money as much as I love good behavior, because that only worked for a week. (I should note that my son is the master manipulator of "systems." If I haven't already blogged about time outs, I will later.)

The other night, after a particularly terrible fit at the dinner table and the subsequent talk, all three of us are snuggled on the couch to watch tv (his choice) for the only 15 minutes of free time Preston has before bed. It was Wonder Pets, which if you don't have children to have been tortured blessed by this programing, is about three school pets that save animals in danger during after hours. All non-chalant, Albert asks Preston if he could have one of those three animals as a pet, which would it be? (FYI, the choices are a duckling, a hamster and a turtle.) Without hesitation, Preston says turtle. And then my husband, whom I love dearly, leaves me somewhere between fainting and stabbing when he responds, "Well, if you can get all the smiley's on your chart for 4 weeks in a row, I'll get you a turtle." (In retrospect, I realized how HARD 4 weeks IN A ROW would actually be, and it seems like a pretty good deal. 28 days to break a habit, people.)

Anyway, I'm rambling, and all of this lead up is really for one tiny question that I got this morning on the way to his friend's house. We're having our morning discussion about not being upset and throwing a fit when I leave, because I have to go to work - and for once, he agrees to be calm about the situation. And after a slight pause, he poses this question:

"Mom, when I get a turtle, THEN what if I throw a fit?"

Great. So the post-turtle era is already in planning. Don't even try to convince me 5 year olds aren't dictators.

Me: do you know what "infinity" actually means?

P: It's God's number.

Good Friday

P: Mom, how did Miss Holly know that today would be a good Friday?

Ask and ye shall receive...usually

So, yesterday I posted a blog about how UNFUNNY Preston is being. Actually, that's not true. The other day he was in some serious trouble at my mom's house, and we were having a hard time not cracking up at his behavior. It REALLY was bad, but it was funny too. If you're a parent, you get it. If you're not at that stage, just wait. If you're not a parent, well, you're probably laughing at it all the time, so...

Anyway, this morning in the car, P was in a good mood...about everything but school.

P: Mom, I don't want to go to school.

Me: Why?

P: I don't like it.

Me: Why don't you like it?

P: I like trips.

Me: (laughing) Um, I do too, but how do you think mommy and daddy pay for trips? We have to go to work, and while we're at work, you have to go to school.

P: Well...I never see you work.

"Mom, be careful. Don't hit the curb like daddy did."

Team Sports: Apparently, they're out.

Preston had his very first teeball practice last night. Putting it nicely, it did NOT go well. First, he wouldn't participate, so Albert called me over to talk to him. When I tried, he ran away from me. Bad move, so I put him in time out, off to the side where he wouldn't interfere with the other kids playing. Of course, long story short, this turned into a screaming fit. He was acting completely out of character; not listening, running from time out, screaming and throwing himself on the floor. All in front of brand new parents. My child is usually the good one. I'm not used to this behavior. It's embarrassing, so very embarrassing.

This isn't the story, it's not funny at all, so I'll skip all the details and go to this morning. By the time we got home last night Preston was grounded for 2 days, and I was taking one of his new Transformers away from him. So this morning, on the way to school, he asked:

(abbreviated version)
P: Mom, did you take one of my Transformers this morning?

Me: No, I haven't. Yet.

P: But Mom, I don't WANT you to take one!

Me: I know, but I warned you yesterday. You were so busy screaming and throwing a fit that you wouldn't listen to ANYTHING we were telling you. If you would have listened, you would have known.

P: (silence)

Me: You acted really bad yesterday. Really, really bad. You know the rules, and you were breaking ALL of them. You know that, right?

P: Yes, I know...(lots of conversation about teams, etc.) I want to play a sport by myself.

Me: Preston, there are no sports by yourself. Baseball has a team. Football has a team. Basketball has a team. Soccer has a team. All sports have a team.

P: (matter-of-factly) Well. I'll tell you a sport that is by myself. Golf.


Well, no way to really argue that one. So instead, I made a deal; he finishes this season of baseball, playing at practices and games and without throwing a fit, and when the season is over I'll sign him up for golf. Sometimes, he has an unarguable point.

Tornado in East tomorrow...Beware.

P: Mom, there is a tornado in East tomorrow. Right?

Me: Um, there is?

P: Yeah. There is. It's a tornado. In East.

Me: Oh. Hmm. Well, where did you hear that?

P: Grandma's car told me. Through the speakers, you know? They said there is a tornado in East tomorrow.

Me: (chuckles) Oh, I see. Hmm, well that's interesting. I don't think I knew that.

P: Yeah, East is that way.

Me: Which way?

P: (points East, impressive) That way.

Me: That's good. You're actually exactly right.

P: I know. There is going to be a tornado tomorrow in East. And if there isn't a tornado in East, then we can drive that way. If there isn't a tornado. But Grandma's speakers said there would be a tornado in East, tomorrow, and so we can't drive to East if there is a tornado. But if there isn't a tornado in East, then we can drive there, right mommy? But there IS going to be a torndao in East, so we better not drive there. And the wind will blow and everything will be in circles, and we can't drive in East because there is a tornado. But if there isn't a tornado, then everything won't blow in circles, and we can drive, and so we can go to East.

(this talking in circles continued for, seriously I'm not exaggerating, a solid 2 minutes)

Me: Wow. That's a lot. I hope there isn't a tornado.

P: Yeah, but there will be. In East.

P's Solution to Life's Problems...

(eating his morning fruit snack treat on the way to school today...)

"So, I think we should give everybody in the world fruit snacks, because it will just make them sooooo happy."

Listening Skills

A little background, Albert and I have recently been having some SERIOUS issues with P wanting to listen to and/or do anything we say. I realize it's an age thing - he wants to do what he wants on HIS schedule; which is exactly why the other night, 15 minutes after I told him dinner was ready and he told me he wasn't eating, he came to the table to eat. It wasn't that he wasn't hungry, he just wanted to eat when HE decided it was time.

As a positive to this whole situation, he's still very concerned about whether or not we're sad at him. (I always say we're sad, never mad - I feel like that's a better representation of most situations.) Anyway, he usually doesn't misbehave for too long, and once he finally complies - on his own time, but complies - it's not usually very long before he's making sure you aren't still sad at him.

Moving on, I've come to the decision that I'm going to stop doing so many extra things for P, reminding him that for me to do things he wants, he is going to have to start helping me do things I want. Good plan, right?

Well, it went into effect when the book fair came to his preschool. He ALWAYS suckers me into a book; more because I love books and think every kid should have a ton, than because I'm a sucker. But I told him Monday, if you can listen and help and act nice, then on Friday I'll come buy you a book. We didn't even make it to the parking lot.

So this morning, we're actually running on time because he was VERY good this morning, and he asks to look at the books. I say sure, but remind him we're NOT buying one. He points out all the books he wants to get - next time; and then figures out I will not waiver and decides he's done looking.

As we walk off to go to his class, I tell him that if he can use his listening skills and start doing what we ask him to do, maybe next time the book fair comes he can get a book.

And he exclaims, "Mom, I found them! In my room!"

"Found what...your listening skills?" I ask. And he looks back at me, so proud and smiling, "Yes!"

Friendships

P: Mom, I like friendships.

Me: You mean FUNships. (thinking about Carnival Cruises, which we've been on with him.)

P: No, FRIENDships.

Me: Oh.

P: I like Friendships a lot.

Me: What are friendships? (school lesson he misunderstood maybe? it is Valentine's week...)

P: Well, first you fly on an airplane. Then you get off, and then you get on a friendship. And if you get tired of one friendship, you just get on another one!

Me: Wow...that's really cool. Who taught you about friendships?

P: God.

Hot Tamales

P: Mom, can you put on Hot Tamales?

Me: Huh?

P: Do you have a CD that is Hot Tamales?

Me: a CD that is what?

P: Hot Tamales! I listen in Daddy's car.

Me: Uh, I don't know what Hot Tamales is baby...

P: I like it a lot, Mom. It's rock 'n roll...

Me: You mean, Metallica?!

P: Yeah! Metallica. I like Metallica.