Biology

Albert took Preston fishing today.

Dad, do you know how to tell which end is the worm's head? Just rub its belly and when it does this *arches back* the side that lifts up is the head.

Also, big shout out to hip hop...it made him a better fisherman.

Artistic License

As if a comment is necessary, I think it's important to note that this is (ironically) a Dallas Cowboy who just made a touchdown...I would say from personal perspective an earlier era - oh, 1990's. 
AND since I forgot to grab the ACTUAL picture from the restaurant table (shame), this is the last...so many puns.

Crackers of All Kinds

At JCPenny's -

P: Mom! Look at all the Christmas stuff! It's on SALE!!
Me: Yep, very pretty.
P: Can I have some?
Me: Some what?
P: Some Christmas stuff!
Me: No.
P: But look at the giant nut crackers! I loooove nut crackers.
Me: I know, but you already have two...a small one and a big one. I think that's enough nut crackers.
P: [walking over to a 3ft tall snowman nut cracker] Yes. But I don't have any SNOW crackers.

Preston's Outfit Today

An argyle-print, black v-neck sweater - with bright blue, red, and gray diamonds in the print.

Navy windpants with a grey and white stripe down the side.

Green camo rain boots.

Whatever, dude.

Days of Shame

I can't believe I'm blogging this story, I'm so embarassed by it...

Preston is spoiled. ROTTEN. By everyone. It really doesn't matter what actions I take to remedy the situation, because he'll tell you straight up if I don't get it, daddy will. If daddy won't, Grandma/Grandpa/Ducky/Papa D/Granddad/Aunt Steph/Uncle Chris/Tia Suzy....you get the point; there is a whole back-up list...

So, Tia Suzy took Preston with her the other day. It was cold, he was under-dressed (thanks, dad), and he came home with 2 bubble whistles and a coat; later, I heard about how the day really went down...

Preston: Tia Suzy, I want that.

Tia Suzy: Ok!

Preston: Tia, I want that, too.

Tia Suzy: Ok! (a little later) P are you cold? You want a jacket?

Preston: [teeth chattering] No. I'm fine.

Tia Suzy bought the coat anyway. (THANK YOU!)

Preston: Tia, I want that.

Tia Suzy: No, Preston. You have enough stuff.

Preston: [yelling] You're AWFUL! You're just AWFUL. You won't buy me ANYTHING I want. You're awful, Tia Suzy! You won't buy me [insert item just seen here, and repeat]

[screeching record sound] WHAT?!

That's right. He called her awful. A bunch. Loudly. In public. Because she wouldn't buy him MORE stuff than she already had. I asked him about it. Asked him why he thought it was okay to say those things about his Tia when she had already bought bubbles and toys and a coat. You know what he said to me? "I didn't ask for the coat, she just bought it." For her part, Tia Suzy just laughs because she thinks it's funny.

And so, the story is told. It's a part of the vast, never-ending, always there world wide web...and I'll tell you why, in all my embarassment and shame, I blogged it. One day, many years from now, my grandchildren will be about 6 years old and Preston will be sitting on my couch begging me to stop buying them stuff so they can learn to appreciate everything they have...and I will sit, and smile, and google.

For all of you asking what P wants for Christmas...

"Everything on TV. For boys."

It's a direct quote, folks. Take it to the bank.

We bought Preston an alarm clock on Sunday. It was at his request, even though I've been considering the idea for a while. Sunday night, his last words before I closed his door were, "I can't WAIT for my alarm at 7 in the morning." My last thoughts were, "Yeah, we'll see how long THAT lasts."

Preston unplugged and threw his alarm clock on the couch this morning. Apparently, he doesn't want it anymore.

More talk of being a Daddy

I've blogged before of Preston's desire to be a daddy here.

We had dinner with my grandparents last night, and Preston told my grandma:

"I wish Albert would go to Heaven so I could hurry up and be a Daddy."

Recent Funny #3

Last night, we got a lovely rendition of "Farmer in the Dell." I never knew the farmer picked a "life," but he did sing all the way through to the cheese standing alone. :)

Recent Funny #2

Preston went for his 5 year check up on Tuesday. He had been freaking out for a week anytime it was mentioned because he didn't want any shots. On Tuesday, he forgot about the doctor and thought I was picking him up for one of our dates. You can imagine his dismay.

So, I had to drag him, literally, out of the car. Drag him into the building. Drag him into the office. Threaten to beat him senseless if he opened that door and took off running. Drag him into the back when they called his name.

The nurse did a great job of calming him down as she weighed and measured him. I thought we were past the panic, because he was laughing and cutting up with her. That's when she said, 'Okay Preston, follow me" and headed left. Preston calmly turned right, and walked back to the front office, and headed for the door. Where I caught him and drug him back to the back.

She caught us in the hall and assured him he didn't need any shots. He was fine after that.

Recent Funny #1

Preston was playing with my phone about a week ago, when he notified me that I needed to "get a phone that you can do this" - and demonstrated rubbing his thumb up the side of my Blackberry screen. "You can even TOUCH THE SCREEN, Mom!"

He's going to die when his aunt get's her new iPhone.

The Cool Guy Club

So Albert and I have this thing (inside joke, I guess) with my brother-in-law and his wife about calling each other the cool guy whenever someone screw something up. For example: "Man, you guys are late!" will be responded to as "thanks to the COOL GUY" and point to...Ruben, usually. It's possible you won't get how incredibly funny all of this actually is, but I know at least 3 other people out there that will think it's the funniest thing on the planet...so I deemed it blog-worthy.

Anyway, it's an ongoing joke; except, I don't think I realized how OFTEN we said it, until after this conversation Wednesday afternoon.

P and his best friend are in the back seat discussing a Capt. America comic book I got at the Air Force base, when I hear Preston say that they gave it to him. So, I turned around to interceed in the conversation:

Me: They gave it to WHO?

P: Me...the cool guy.

Quote of the month...

"because I'm almost 5, mom."

Variation: "I am grown up, I'm about to be 5, mom. Five is grown up."


His birthday is in June.

Krispie Kreme Donuts

P: Mom, we should go to Krispie Kreme. (The same statement I get every morning we pass it.)

Me: You should tell grandma to take you to Krispie Kreme.

P: No mom, we should go as a family. We should all go and get donuts. Because you have to go, and you have to wait outside for a long time, and then, when they turn on the light it tells you 'Come and get them, they're hot donuts' and you go in and you get a donut.

Me: P, you should really ask grandma. I don't even really like Krispie Kreme donuts.

P: (in the exact tone I use) Mom, you should really try things, you never know what you're missing.

Me: Oh, well, if I try Krispie Kreme are you going to start trying the things I ask you to try?

P: Mom, Krispie Kreme is sooooo good. And it's just krispies and kreme. Because, you see, they take the kreme, and they melt it and then they pour it over the krispie. See? It's so good, and they cook the donuts and they pour the melted kreme over the donuts and then, after a while it gets all krispie and then you have Krispie Kreme! And it's really good, and you should try just a tiny bite because you will like it because it's just krispie and kreme.

The Mud Run...

We did the Mud Run this weekend. If you don't know, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's a 5k run/Marine obstacle course - and it's awesome.

They have a kids race. I didn't sign P up - anyone who knows him, knows he hates to get dirty. He won't even finger paint. Wouldn't you know - he wanted to do it. Baaaaaad. Unfortunately, we couldn't register him AT the event, so he'll have to wait until next time.

Me: Babe, they won't let us sign you up today - so we're going to have to wait until next time to do it. I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd wanna get dirty and muddy.

P: But I do. (sad face)

Me: I know, and I'm sorry. Maybe me and daddy can set up some obstacles for you, and you can be practicing - does that sound good?

P: Yeah. (pause) You mean with mud, right?

Me: Uh, yeah. We'll see what we can do about that...

What's your favorite?

(holding up a red and a blue crayon)

P: Mom, which one is your favorite and do you want to use? (pause) But not this one, because I'm going to use it.

What your kids say when you aren't listening...

On the way home today...

(talking to his friend Dylan, in the car)
P: I don't want to talk anymore, I just wanna sit back and watch the rain fall.

(passing the vacuum store on Cooper)
P: Dylan, will you buy me one of those when you get bigger? (Yes.) Which one should I get? The green one?

(passing Putt Putt)
P: Dylan, that's where my grandpa and me used to go. You know my grandpa? The bald-headed one? We used to go there.

(just driving, right before spotting the Charger)
P: Let's play superheros. I'll be the bad guy and you be the good guy. (I don't want to play that.) Me either.

(just spotted the lime green Dodge Charger)
P: Dylan, instead of that other thing, will you buy me one of THOSE? (Yeah!) Will you steal it for me? While they are sleepin? You can be a little sneaker and drive it over to my house. (I can't drive!) When you get bigger! Will you steal it though? (Yeah!) Good!

(passing the grocery store)
P: Dylan, will you steal everything out of that store? (Yeah.) Woo hoo! Go Dylan!

I'm brown. You're brown. We're all brown...except for you.

Teeball team pictures came in on Saturday.



P: I like him (Albert) and him (BFF-Dylan), but no one else.



Me: What?! Why?



P: Because they are different from me, and I don't like people that are different.



Me: Um, how are they different?



P: I'm brown. They aren't brown, so they are different, so I don't like them.



Me: (momentarily speechless) Uh, I'm not sure why you don't like people that are different, because we learn cool stuff from people that are different from us - but honey, Dylan is definitely NOT brown.



P: Yes, he is. I'm brown. Daddy is brown. Dylan is brown. No one else is brown, so I don't like them.



Me: Um, K***** is brown.



P: (inspecting picture) He's not looking at the camera, so he's different. That's why I don't like him.



Me: I think it's really bad that you're judging people for being different from you, but babe, you like a lot of people that are NOT brown. Grandma isn't brown. Duckie isn't brown. Aunt Steph isn't brown....



P: Yes, they are. (starts naming everyone he likes) They are ALLLLL brown.



Me: Preston, all of those people are not brown. Look at Dylan's picture - he is NOT brown.



P: (looking) Yes, he is.



This is a picture of Preston and Dylan...

I realize the color is a little bad, but you can tell - Dylan is NOT brown. His mom will even tell you - he's practically albino. Dylan has a TAN LINE in this picture (of course, you can't see it) - so that's about as brown as D will ever get.

I'm not sure where he's picking all of this up from - but I'm not sure I even know what it means with the albino is a brown kid.

So, this is what I'm paying for...

"Mom, did you know we have guts? And we have little teeth in our throat to chew up our food for us. And our food goes into our stomach, and our body takes out all of the vitamins, and it goes through our intes...intest....guts, and then we poopie. (uncontrollable giggling) Isn't that funny, Mom? I said we poopie from our guts! (abrupt seriousness)And, if we squeeze someone, we'll squish their guts. (pause) Mom, do you have guts? ('Yes') I don't think you do."

It was body week at school.

Sick Days

P: (coughs) Mom, I have a very bad cough.

Me: Yeah baby, I know. It's allergies.

P: Mom, tomorrow when it's a school day, I can not go to school because I have a very bad cough

Me: Well, if you have a really bad cough for tomorrow, then you probably can't go swimming at Uncle Michael's today...

P: No Mom, it will only bother me tomorrow.